Mighty Fine Fellows and the new Stepford Bitch

Us women folk are constantly being admonished to NOT SETTLE. If you were to browse through a self help or psychology section at just about any bookstore, you'll find dozens of paperbacks devoted solely to this topic, with titles framing the same idea in countless ways. We're always getting encouragement to affirm our own self worth and all that jazz. 

Why is it that there is such a dearth of material of the same nature targeting men? Because, ladies, men rarely "settle" (I'll argue against this later but at least they don't seem to have the same anguish over it). Why you ask? Because in just about every guy lives a mighty fine fellow. From the blatantly obnoxious douche-bag frat boy to the more polished metro professional--somehow, someway, they've all been convinced of their mighty fineness. No matter their true quality as men (or even as human beings for that matter), they seem to feel entitled to a trophy wife or girlfriend.  

In comes the Stepford Bitch, eager to fill this role. No, she doesn't wear aprons of eyelet lace and spend her days cooking and cleaning (that's a little passe nowadays). Instead, she religiously follows the advice in Cosmo and strives to embody the MTV-endorsed brand of femininity or, if she's beyond the cutthroat coed hook up scene, she molds herself into something more palatable for her target. Either way, she preoccupies herself with becoming more desirable to men. This may even motivate her to get a good education and establish some financial independence but nonetheless, her concerns are the same. 

Now before you dismiss this as the bitter rants of a reject, I want to clarify that not only am I not opposed to all the little rituals of feminine flirtation/seduction, but I actually embrace many of them wholeheartedly. No need to divulge on all that here, but suffice it to say, that is NOT where I'm coming from at all.  

The phenomenon that my girlfriends and I keep seeing over and over has to do with guys who expect their girlfriends/wives to be tens when they themselves are nothing of the sort. This is nothing new and we would expect it from a Mr. Money Bags or whatever but nowadays the most average Joe feels cheated out of his birthright or something if he can't catch the prized piece. And many are stepping up the demands--they not only want the perfect living doll and/or sex kitten, but they want her to have an advanced degree too. The problem is not in their having certain standards (even when they are superficial), it's that the women aren't allowed to have the same level of expectations of them. If she does, she's a naggy demanding bitch. Yes, even in our generation, they still want a servile ho (just a new and improved version). 

Behind the facade of the mighty fine fellow

I'm no male basher--just so over the mighty fine fellows of the world. There are basically two prototypes with several variations.

Signs you have a mighty fine fellow on your hands... 

Prototype I:

- He listens to and/or quotes Tom Leykis (nuff said, no?)

- He wants you to do things to please him, such as wear lingerie and perform oral sex on a regular basis, but he doesn't reciprocate by trying to please you.

- Even when he does try to please you sexually, you sense that it's more for the gratification of his own ego than anything else.

- He subscribes to Maxim

- His idea of a good restaurant is Hooters

- He makes snide remarks about feminists 

...Please feel free to add to these lists!!

Prototype II

- He's metro

- He notices when you're overdue on your mani/pedi

- He brags to his family about how smart/educated you are but then shows little interest in your actual thoughts and ideas.

- He's ok with you being high maintenance for the most part so long as you don't expect him to be emotionally available to you.

- He gives off an air of superiority 

- He's metro (worth repeating)

Universals

- He's a mama's boy

- He's emotionally retarded

- He's intimacy-challenged

- He is disgusted by the thought that women have normal bodily functions

- None of his friends have solid healthy relationships with women they truly respect

- The gender dynamics in his family are out of whack (especially if he has a very servile mother)

- He is more critical of others than of himself

- He's got a certain sort of cynicism about him

Switching gears

So the real reason why men want Stepford Bitches is because they are deathly afraid of someone who is going to tap into the parts of themselves they prefer to keep under wraps. The idea of self-disclosure is terrifying for them. The male ego is as fragile as the most delicate porcelain and many guys will go to the ends of the Earth to protect it. Deep, deep down inside, however, they do want to be called to a higher self but mighty fine fellows are sadly way too out of touch with this need. They repress it and therefore seek out partners who also aren't striving for a more profound level of human connection. They subconsciously avoid those who can see right through them and instead go for women who are more than happy to be the narcissistic reflections of their egos. Rarely will the might fine fellow reach that level of maturity where they are willing to be vulnerable with another person. Pity them but don't marry them.